How often do you preface your statements with, “I really should”, or “I shouldn’t”? Well, if you are like me, it’s often enough that it has become an annoying habit. I have been vigilantly observing my language and choice of semantics in my self-study and I realized that ‘should’ is a distasteful word that doesn’t serve me. It lends to obligation, criticism, expectation (yours and that of others), guilt, shame and projection to future outcome. It is a word of laziness and easily avoids ownership of our choices and actions. It is a word that weakens our power and sense of accountability and assertiveness.
For example, “I really should call my mother-in-law.” Ask yourself why? Who are you doing it for? Is there resent or obligation? Perhaps, you realize you don’t want to make the call, then honor your truth and do it when you feel more genuine. How can you rephrase the statement so that it holds strength and integrity? Consider this alternative, “I am going to call my mother-in-law to discuss holiday plans.” Here is another example, “I really should start exercising more.” Why? Says who, the media, the skinny models, and your inner critic? Try this instead, “I am going to start exercising more because I want to be healthier.”
It is really quite simple and I think you will value the improved quality of your words and intentions. Don’t be hard on yourself when you begin to notice how often you say, ‘should’. Just look at it objectively, be humbled, willing to learn and make the change. Most importantly don’t do it because you should, but rather because you made a mindful, honest and assertive choice of choosing words that empower your actions.
With love and kindness,
Robin Afinowich
