Going home is always bitter seeet. I often wish I never left, yet at 14 years old, I knew there was no other healthy choice and I quickly and happily curated a meaningful existence in glorious AZ. When I’m in Montana, I of course, miss the voice of spirit held in the the Rockies and the autumn turning leaves, but more so I miss a life that got interrupted. Family, friends, and experiences that were unknown because I had to make a difficult choice, an adjustment in my path. I, alone, had to choose a road never traveled, trusting it would be a better place for my survival. And though it was, I still find myself succum to moments of deep grief.
Sometimes we grieve things taken from us. Sometimes we grieve things we’ve never even had. Sometimes we grieve things we’ve chosen to let go of.
People, places, eras. Chapters and stories interrupted and incomplete.
Sometimes we grieve the loss of relationships never fully developed and the self that was undiscovered or laid to rest to born elsewhere.
A river bending to landmarks of time and circumstance, life has a flow that’s not always predictable. Often, we travel with no map of promised paths. How do we prepare for terrain and weather unknown? Like our nomadic ancestors, we simply do our best, bringing what we know, our tools and practices packed in firm with the curious quest to meet other life and opportunity in the land of the unknown.
Met with fierce speed and power, the railway amplifies willpower and action. Escape and freedom. Refinement and direction. Sometimes we just have to jump in and hold tight at see what station we arrive at.
When life brings us to a crossroads and we have to choose to release one way for another, we enter discovery with grief stained eyes and a tender wisdom that bring us new perspective.
Railroads and rivers, traversing side by side remind us that humans and nature are destined to explore and are designed to carry on. The process of life is a mysterious journey. Each loss, shift, bolder, derailment, and road teaches us to adapt so we can meet our optimal growth through a full spectrum of experience. Our grief is not without divine method.
Perhaps our tears feed the current and oil the wheels as we move forward.
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