Quality not Quantity:
It seems like such simple encouragement, doesn’t it? Yet, it is amazing how more often than not I hear, and have said, “I am too busy to do……” or, “I don’t have the time or energy.” Ultimately, we don’t have control over how long we walk the Earth, but we do have control over how we move and participate in our life while we are here. With two jobs and two kids, and some intense personal development my life gets very, very full. I am often spread thin and testing my boundaries of self care and life balance. In this pull I have felt a diluted quality of life, and that just isn’t acceptable.
Sometimes adding more to the schedule seems impossible, even if it is good for me. I’ve learned it’s not necessarily about adding more, but learning to remove those things that come with weighted expectation and burden (like thinking the house has to be spotless all the time or over extending my volunteering time to help others at the expense of myself). It’s learning to prioritize and find more joy and ease in the content of our lives. It doesn’t always have to be so hard and it doesn’t always have to be so busy. Busy does not make it better, quality is what brings depth and richness. I am an advocate of less is more (unless its chocolate or beet juice)…moving deep into our experiences rather than grazing them from the surface and moving quickly to the next thing on the list.
Some of my most lived moments are laying in the hammock, watching my kids sleep, or listening to a classic song. I am making those moments a priority and a necessity every day. I believe we are here to cultivate meaning in our life, connection, place, and to be guided by our hearts and souls (which, of course, inspire the intellect). The beautiful thing is, the more we do what we love with a fierce passion, the more we are being ourselves and the happier we become. Simple. We need to shift our mind into this reality…..we have permission to live more richly, its the very purpose of living. Maybe we have multiple lives, maybe this is our only life……make it matter and do more of what you love with greater quality. I’ll write you a prescription if you’d like.
Here are some shifts that have helped me find more quality:
Because we are busy, noisy and quite frankly, we talk too much, get quiet. Try to refrain from ‘filling’ conversation gaps or always needing dialogue. I promise this creates a space for quality.
Also, don’t feel like you always have to be with people, solitude unites you with your deepest self, with nature, with your maker. It takes you into the pockets of self that hold your purpose. Dinner dates or hikes with yourself are fabulous.
At the same time, be willing to step out of the comfort of your solitude. Participating in local events helps cultivate a sense of place and connection to culture. You are bound to find like-minded people doing what they love too and that always enhances the quality of the experience.
Try not to over-plan, leave room for spontaneous living. Sometimes we get too attached to the plan and we we don’t see the opportunities around it. I am fond of surprise naps, last minute lunches, out out of state job prospects. If you think outside a box, don’t plan too much in a box.
Enhance time with friends and family by really applying the principles of non-judgment, compassion, presence and authenticity. Meet in person, talk on the phone…..less texting and abbreviating…use real words. Maybe visit the old pen and paper and write a letter. Prepare a meal together, “breaking bread” is the foundation to culture and family.
Use less stuff. Buy less stuff, waste less stuff. Again, simple.
Hug a little longer, 20 seconds at least, it will shift your brain chemistry. Keep in mind this can be a little creepy, so assess your target with caution and respect. :0)
Be mindful of the nature of your thoughts, we have 60,000 + thoughts a day, put some new ones in the bonnet. Read new books, learn something that will challenge your ideologies and broaden your perspective.
Think about your bucket list…I used to resist this idea, but after cancer the concept makes more sense to me, fill your life with the experiences you want. If you are going to ‘do’ more, do more of what you love. Make the time, take the time and trust that you are worth it.
Don’t demand too much from yourself, too often we over-value what we are not and under-value what we are. Create an inner relationship of quality through strengths assessment, acceptance, and self-compassion.
Blessings, Namaste, Aho,
Robin Afinowich
