It has been nearly a year since I have posted a blog, and according the marketing world I might as well just shoot myself in the foot. Clearly, consistency here is not a strong point. Trust me, I have been meaning to write. I have novels cataloging in my library mind, I am just a mad scientist studying the raw details of my life in a way that often prohibits me form refining the intense content of experience and filtering it gracefully to pen and ink, or in this case pad and browser.
I have had many flattering requests for an entry and when asked what the hell I have been doing…I arrived to the gate of my literary voice again and am compelled to share. The words rising like hot air from an inferno of sweaty transformation, I have been working. Not just professionally (which has taken on many new adventures and slightly drained the life out of me) but mostly personally; a copious amount of self-clearing, healing, re-inventing, re-wiring, self-loving and crafting of a new magic. The work of Shamans and Sages and Dr.’s and Shrinks. I have been diving deep into the origins trigger points, learning to swim in the turbulent wells of subconscious patterning and interrupting self-deprecating and growth stunting beliefs, emptying the warehouse of old demons in my heart that eat my soul and cloud my vision. I have been feverishly tackling my work one clumsy and unpredictable mess at a time. I have been traveling back in time to my youth, to my relationships, to my cancer, and I am digging out the daggers that keep me pinned to a small life. I have been cutting the cords that choke me, and reweaving the net that holds me
How’s that for a flare of drama? (A plus in the marketing world)
I am back and despite my novice wisdom, I am ready to share again…
An ancient Chinese proverb suggests the chaos among thee is the confusion within thee. Our external environment is often a reflection of our internal state of conscious. As I purge my conditioning and the habits that keep me tangled, I am also purging my home space, a complimentary and necessary practice indeed.
In redefining my patio areas I have been blessed with a number of black widow encounters. Full bodied, hour-glassed, long legged, elegant arachnid beauties who engineer their elaborate and impeccably sturdy webbing throughout old paint pallets and rusty tool boxes circa 1950. I am humbled with Widows’ breathtaking, mysterious and powerful stature, and am honored that they have taken home in my sacred space. Like all gifts in nature, they appear not as threat, but as teacher.
In shamanic ideology (at least from my lineage) black widows are protectors of the home and the evolving spirit; they are icons that depict the nature of deliberate and specialized attention to the finest details of life. They are the great masters of constructing a secure, purposeful and expansive web of life. They arrive in perfect harmony to my process and I bow with reverence for their grace. The black widow’s silk is said to be as strong as steel, indeed an inspiring combination of building a net of support from a strength that is also playable, soft and delicate….the mastery of steadiness and ease.
The black widow invites me to examine the individual threads that join together to make my life whole; to reinforce those that are sustainable and to replace the weak and unstable links (such as unhealthy behaviors, false conditioned beliefs, un-reciprocated relationships, over-baring work) with stronger more life-affirming and supportive ties. She reminds me that I get to build life on my terms… creatively, holistically and with immeasurable integrity.
Someone once asked me, why do the work? Self-work can be exhausting, a psychological warfare or a soulful triathlon dependent on discipline, will, and a genuine desire and capacity (we are all capable) to face and trudge through the discomfort of our pain. In my humble opinion, it is well worth the effort and a necessary undertaking.
I do the work so that I am not held hostage in the past or future, so that I may be clearer in the moment to receive the experiences that I choose now to fill my life and to be responsive to new eras of learning. I do the work so that my relationships can be healthy and nourishing, honest, and open. I do the work so that my body doesn’t harbor illness and manifest poisonous demons. I do the work to set an example for my children, to teach resilience and dedication to being a good, self-aware person. I do the work because it makes me a more conscious and considerate human and a more empathic and embodied healer. I do the work because, like the spider finely spinning her throne, it is in my nature to mindfully construct the best possible web of life for myself.
I believe we must all commit on a deeper, more integral level to our work, our work with personal and spiritual development as well as our work with being productive, tolerant and progressive citizens of the world. The two are not separate; they are an unshakable partnership that constructs our shared reality. Each person is a strand in the greater matrix, and each plays an essential part. Doing the work is perhaps our biggest investment, the investment in believing in, and healing, our selves and understanding the nature and potential of our human capacity both individually and collectively.
Clearly, I am bias as a healer, teacher, therapist, but the work is important regardless of role.
In the event that you acquire an interest to reconsider the way in which you master and uniquely design your web of life, here are just a few things I have been using as guidelines for my own reconstruction:
- Is this thought or behavior helping me or hurting me? What can I do about it right NOW? If there is a simple, immediate solution, apply it…if not, let it go. Think solution, not what if/should’a,would’a, could’a. The only place change happens is now.
- When stuck in ruminating the past (doubt) or future (worry), interrupt the cycle, change the biology….move your body, eat something healthy, drink water, change your scenery, positively distract yourself. Interrupt the addiction to the drama, set the stage for a new show. You determine your reality; choose wisely how you use your creative energies.
- When the pain is so deep its voice is a childlike innocence and confusion….re-parent your self….love that inner child, give them what they need. Visualize it, speak it, make it real in the hear and now. If the pain is from your adult years, talk to yourself like a mentor and identify what is true/real and what is fabricated/worry and create your life today based on truth today, try not assume the worst and try not to assume life always has to be hard.
- As you rebuild your life-lines, determine what your NON-NEGOTABLE terms are. These are attributes that will NEVER be compromised, settled or neglected. They can be simple, like “dark chocolate is a very important, non-negotiable part of my diet.” Or more serious such, “I must be able to speak my truth and feel open and safe in relationships.” “I must earn no less than X amount of dollars.”
- Are you putting out more than you are receiving? If you were an ATM, would you be overdrawn? Keep dedicated to your psychological and spiritual checks and balances.
- Are your relationships meaningful, evolving and reciprocal?
- Distinguish the difference between healthy boundaries and conditioned defenses/walls (more on this soon).
- Are you making time for spirit, nature, God?
- If you were a spider, would the web you are weaving support your authenticity, your truth, your purpose, and your greatest potential?
More to come, my friends, It’s good to be back. Let us be deliberate, noble, and respectful in the threading of life that binds us to ourselves and to one another.
Aho, blessings, and Namaste,
Robin
Interestingly enough my last blog always shared Spider Wisdom…visit here for more.
