“When am I going to be able to touch my toes?” “When will the depression go away” “When will my marriage improve.” “What should I do next?” “How can I change my career again, right now? “How are you always so peaceful, how do I get that way, what am I doing wrong?” (Which by the way, I’m not always so peaceful). These are some of the many questions I address on a daily basis as a yoga teacher and spiritual psychology coach.
My response is one that I learned at an early age from my wise and tortoise-like grandfather, the Great Papa Dan. “Patience is a virtue, child”, he would say when I would ramble on with the common child inquiry, “are we there yet?” At that point in my life, I seemed to confuse the word virtue with Madonna’s then hit song, ‘Like a Virgin’, but none-the-less Papa’s firm and clear words came true to meaning and teaching in my grown years. I understand now that patience is indeed a virtue, and a keystone in the process of personal healing and growth.
It seems in this growing community of health and wellness there are always a vast assortment of wonderful transformative tools, practices, workshops, trainings, spiritual undertakings, rebirths, renewals, new beginnings, cleansings, new teachers, old teachers, new methods, old methods, cutting edge this, powerful that…..SIGH…. deep breath in. How lucky that we live in a culture where we have at our fingertips such an extraordinary and diverse pallet of resources for Self-realization.
Despite the obvious beauty and benefit of such opportunities, I sometimes find myself in a state of apprehension and caution. What I see more often these days is a grasping….a grasping to attach to something else in a fervent quest for awakening, transformation and approval and acceptance into a like-minded community. I see that people want the quick fix, modern-day philosophy and six-pack abs in an hour power. I see that people don’t want to work on mindfulness, because a pill easier. I see people jumping form one best selling book to another best selling guru. I see people constantly comparing themselves to somebody else’s methods, body, or spiritual development. I see people forcing the process of growth, and that defies the laws of nature and I worry. I don’t blame them, we are inundated with a social culture that tells us we have to constantly upgrade, do better, be more, keep up with Joneses….even in our healing and ‘new age’ circles. I’m guilty of it as well as I have tried playing the ‘market yourself’ game as well as the, ‘I’m so damaged I have to keep doing more, more, more for healing.’ I admit it, and I take no shame, but now I ask a question, if we are constantly moving from one thing to the next, are we ever going to be content, are we ever going to be grounded and stable enough in our being to really know who we are at the STILL center of Self, and are we ever going to know how to build a life of genuine happiness from that truth?
These statements, by no means, are intended to undermine the work that individuals put forth. I see people’s lives change every day, including my own, and I see the miracle behind deep healing and transformative work. However, in my experience, it isn’t just attending an occasional weekend workshop, or reading a book, that takes people on that deep inner, authentic journey, but it is the amount of practice, integration, recognition and patience that truly bring the teachings and healings to an improved quality of life.
Practice: We must create space in our daily routine for our mindful psychology, meditation, and healing or yoga practices, with no excuses. I once had a man complain that after two yoga classes his hamstrings were still tight. I asked him how long he had had tight hamstrings, he said his whole life. I brought to his attention that perhaps he might need more than two hours of stretching for 45years of tension. Another instance was a woman who bitterly gave up on mediation after one attempt. We don’t have to get it perfect; we have to be disciplined to practice, practice, practice!
Integration: Don’t just study it or teach it, or talk about it externally, but live it, apply the teaching so that you internalize the work and have your own unique experience with it. As you integrate, trust your intuition, you don’t always have to rely on what other people tell you to do. The body, psyche and soul have a deep inner knowing that can heal you more than you realize.
Recognition: It is important to give credit to all the work we have already done, and to the level of awareness we live our life from. We need to be able to rest and compassionately sit with our progress, to embody it and to just let ourselves BE. This work is exhausting and can deplete our quality of life if we are constantly worried about needing to be ‘fixed’. Some days I have to trust I am broken….broken open, and I deeply love that part of my being. I recognize things as they are, and in acceptance I find peace.
Patience: Self-healing, realization and deep psychological inquiry do not happen overnight; they are a culmination of awareness, discipline and growth throughout our entire lives. If self-transformative work were to be compared to that of a fine wine, then indeed the slow process would make us much richer in the end.
Healing work and self-realization is virtuous and it is a practice of patience. So when you ask, “am I there yet?”, listen to my wise tortoise Dan, and he will remind you that, “turtle steps are still steps.” Thank you, Papa for planting that kernel of knowledge within me so many years ago.
Blessings, Namaste and Aho,
Robin Afinowich
The Great Papa Dan would have been 93 this month and his ‘slow and steady’ wisdom is a legacy I can only hope to follow.
